Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Misunderstandings

Good communication is key in any relationship. Misunderstanding of ideas can occur when there is an absence of communication between two groups. When two parties are not speaking, there is no way to clarify positions, intentions, or past actions. Sometimes both parties make a big effort to communicate as clearly as possible, but cultural differences or language barriers obstruct clear understanding. Even within a cultural group, misunderstandings can arise because of different personal communication styles. One person will ask a lot of questions to show interest, while another person will find that to be disrespectful. Men and women, in particular, are thought to have different styles.
Fortunately, breakdowns in communication are usually repairable. Misunderstandings can be explained, languages can be translated, relationships can be restored and rumors can be controlled. Misunderstandings are therefore extremely frustrating in that they are not supposed to occur, and if they do occur, then someone must be at fault, either the speaker did not correctly package the message or the listener erred in unpacking it, or both. The majority of people are already very sophisticated at sending and interpreting messages. Speaker attempt to code ideas, feelings, and images with words. Those words are transmitted to listener who then match them with their own experiences. There is no universal codebook, so what one person thinks of as "success" will not necessarily match another person’s definition. Words correspond to different ideas and feelings for different people, and it can take multiple attempts before an idea has been understood satisfactorily. The more cultural differences there are between speakers, the more frequently they will have to stop and work out differences of meaning.
A clear understanding of semantics is crucial to preventing misunderstandings. Arguments frequently occur when two people think they are talking about the same thing, but really they are just using the same word for two different ideas or things.
According to specialists on the field who work in helping people communicate more effectively, two of the most common techniques taught to solve the conflict are active listening, or empathic listening, and the use of "I-messages" instead of "you-messages." Both of these focus on trying to communicate without placing blame and really trying to hear and understand what the other person is saying.
When people are in conflict, making the extra effort to improve communication between the disputants is often helpful in reducing the intensity of the conflict, even if the conflict cannot be that easily resolved.

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